SINCE the open show of shame about the failed marriage of the aforementioned couple, I have refrained from making any post in respect of the “trending” failed marriage of the popular Mavin artist Tiwa Savage. I felt each with his challenge and there was no need writing about people’s personal lifestyle and choices when we as a country have bigger challenges concerning the crop of leaders currently directing the affairs of this country. However, I was shocked when a friend, a “perpetual bachelor” hinged the reason he is yet to marry on this failed marriage. He claimed fear of failure is holding him back. His inability to maintain a single relationship more than six months was the grounds in which his conclusion was set.
It was until then I realised, perhaps I underestimated the impact of the fallout of this celebrity marriage on the nucleus of our society. I decided to pen some opinion to drive my thought home and also reinforce to the unmarried that marriage is a wonderful institution that is meant for men not boys.
Before I proceed, I will take you all to the kind of music I love since I will be drawing a lesson from there. I love old school music. I listen to 77, Mike Ejeagha, Sunny Ade, Fela, Bob Marley, Lucky Dube among others. Mike Ejeagha or 77 am not sure sang a song on marriage and in his style which is more of storytelling narrated how a man caught the wife cheating, the man escaped through the window and left his pant with N3000 in his pocket. When the man saw the money, he did not complain again rather he was happy the man paid for his vice. However, that is not the message; the message was on the chorus which is centred around NDIDI – PATIENCE OR ENDURANCE in marriage.
Marriage is all about tolerance, patience and indulgence. I may not be well experienced to pass for a marriage advisor since I am equally young in my marriage. However, based on my little experience and that of friends which I will expand shortly, I want to answer some question my friend asked yesterday:
Many coupIe go through worst things than the duo (Tiwa and TJ) but have decided to brace their challenges and strive on. A friend, very close friend, went through a divorce. I saw her drop from a loving, happy wife to one that calls me not to discuss new business ideas but to cry as a result of the maltreatment she receives from the husband. Being an only child, I was there like a big brother and gave her the shoulder to cry on. Nevertheless, I made sure she did not take her personal life to social media even when she wanted. Time and time again, she is pushed to do same and I kept insisting that the lesser people know about her personal life, the lesser the headache. Today, she is separated. I am not sure most people aside close family and friends know the nitty-gritty of her failed marriage. She fought to keep her man but some men cannot take women success and that was evident in her case. This last point sets the foundation for the next and key message.
A Priest friend once told me that 80% of divorce case he handled occurred when a woman starts providing for her family. He advised I should try all I can to provide for my family because it exposes you and your family to danger and your wife may become vulnerable. This message was where TJ failed in his marriage. When he transformed Tiwa from local star, that participated in X Factor UK but was not selected to an upcoming and superstar that earned her signing into Mavin, TJ growth stagnated. As with most young people, he held on to the success of the “then” girlfriend with a long straw and they both were enjoying the success “they” laboured. He was happy for the girlfriend turned star. His drug addiction was neglected since he plays the piper and can dictate the tune. He cuts his hair more often and when he is yet to get a clean cut, Tiwa will possibly admonish him to go and look nice. He was married then with four kids but Tiwa wasn’t interested because the guy bank account was fat and he also got the talent that will take her to the next stage of her career. Suddenly, the finances of TJ dropped and he did nothing which shows his lack of smartness to expand his source of livelihood. He depended on the wife and believe you me, if your wife is providing for the family, you should better start running the house errand. It is not biblical but it is common sense. When Tiwa stopped giving, he borrowed N45 million to continue his drug addiction and lifestyle to perhaps, maintain alleged relationship with edible caterer. At this point, the wife is very successful and hardly stays in the country due to her various musical commitments.TJ is broke and still wants to be the head of the family. The marriage deteriorated.
From observation, marriage last longer when you come back home, your wife asks for N100,000 to buy house groceries, you give her N150,000 and also take her to market and remain in the car let her do the shopping. Once she is done, get some assistant to load all the groceries into the car. Do not ask a question about your balance since she may have things she wants to buy. If she is a working class, do not even ask for her salary. Women feel more happy and respectful when the man is indeed the head of the family not by words but action- action not only in bed but FAT bank account.
Tiwa was not smart enough to insist that the husband starts doing something that will earn him income. Paying money into his account for him to foot the bill was not a wise thing to do. Set him up let him start producing other artist or she pull out from Mavin and start their own record label business together knowing fully well that the husband is not cool with her sleeping over at “MAVIN STUDIO” which was normal and acceptable until the guy became broke and insecurity enveloped his mindset.
On the other hand, TJ is so feeble-minded that he could come to social media and tell the whole world that some guys are taking rounds on his wife. How low can he be? I know some men that are very sure their wife cheats but they will argue, if I send her home, who will take care of my children? They will go ahead to tell you that sex is not the only reason they married her- companion was the major reason, they will conclude. I even know others that will not admit their wife is cheating even when they pass her cheating. They will simply say – it is a prank. The reason is that the shame and stigma kill more and faster because in Igboland- UGWU NWOKE BU NWUNYE YA. So you just tell yourself it’s not true…if infidelity in marriage ends marriage, most people will be divorced.
In summary, Tiwa and Teebillz may be talented; they are not smart. They both handled their family issues very immature. More so, they have shown an example of how not to resolve family related issues which leaves me to wonder -if they lack elders that could have nipped this from the bud before it escalated to this huge scandal.
Submitted by J Duke Anago